Category Archives: Suicide

I Can’t Make Everyone Happy (So Why Try?)

A Suicide in My Family

I can't make everyone happy. So I won't even try.

Recently there was a suicide in my extended family. My aunt's husband took his own life.  I wrote two posts on suicide following this.

A Medium's Perspective on Suicide Part 1

A Medium's Perspective on Suicide Part 2

My family was shocked but this wasn't the first suicide in my family. About 12 years ago my Uncle John took his own life.  He was the brother of my same aunt who just lost her husband to suicide as well as my mother's brother.

So my poor aunt has lost a brother and now a husband to suicide.

My sister and I were the only members of our extended family who could fly to the east coast to be with our aunt immediately following the suicide.  My sister flew out east from Seattle on the night our aunt's husband died and stayed for a few days.  I flew out from Anchorage, Alaska one week after he died.

Flying from Anchorage, Alaska to the east coast of the United States is a very long trip. It is about the same distance as flying direct to London or Tokyo.  That's how far Alaska is from the rest of the Lower 48.

I left my family and husband and traveled 30 hours round-trip to spend a few days comforting my aunt.

The Email

Upon my return, as my plane landed in Anchorage and my cell service connected, I received an email. It was an ugly email from someone on the internet identifying herself only as "Angie"  complaining to me about using the phrase "committed suicide" .

Yes that's correct.  I was literally landing in Anchorage returning from a very long trip to comfort my grieving aunt who has suffered the loss of two close loved ones to suicide when I received this nasty-gram. As an aside, my aunt loved my previous blog posts and they gave her a great deal of comfort.

"Angie" angrily informed me that the term "committed suicide" is "outdated" and "offensive". This was the first time I'd heard this.

I certainly don't want to be offensive to an entire group of people.  I do believe in using politically correct language so as not to be offensive to other lifestyles, religions, genders, etc.

A Little Internet Searching

So I did a little searching on the internet.  I found a few articles stating that this term is offensive to those who have made this choice and their surviving loved ones. But I still wasn't clear why it was offensive.

I then looked up the definition of "commit". According to Merriam Webster commit means to carry into action deliberately: commit a crime, commit a sin.  I can see that the word "commit" has a connotation of negativity because of the examples used.

I looked up suicide. This means the act of taking one's own life voluntarily and intentionally. Alright.  So the term "commit suicide" means to carry out the act of taking one's own life.

Further searching brought me a number of very recent articles from many reputable news sources discussing death by suicide.  They ALL used the term "committed suicide".* ** ***

Major news outlets are typically politically correct.  They most definitely use the current and thus least offensive terminology for everything.  By the current standards of Reuters, the New York Times and the LA Times my language is not outdated or offensive.

I Can’t Make Everyone Happy

I understand that we need to be sensitive to other people.  But this feels a bit over the line to me. I can't make everyone happy and I will not be afraid to speak my truth because I might offend someone.  For Heaven's sake I'm a MEDIUM!  My very existence is offensive to a whole bunch of people - some of to whom I'm related.

If you don't like or want to use the term "committed suicide" then don't.  If you think other people should not use that term then by all means spread the word. But for the love of God be POLITE about it.

This person who contacted me about my terminology was not genuinely interested in enacting change. She just wanted to unload on me in an angry way from the safety of her computer.

Hiding behind the anonymity of the internet to bitch out someone who is doing her best to help others is not the way to enact change.

Everyone is entitled to their own thoughts and feelings and this is MY blog so I get to share mine. Those who are offended are obviously hurting because they lost someone. Losing someone to suicide is particularly traumatic.  I understand that. Blaming other people for your own hurt and anger and shame is not ok and doesn't make it go away.

I mulled this over and worried for several days.  I am by nature a "people-pleaser" and don't like to offend others.  As I was thinking about this both my uncle and my aunt's husband who committed suicide came through to me and told me they weren't offended in the least and that I should tell "Angie" to F%^$ off.

They were both the the wild and rash sort of person who would have done just that.  I am not. I decided not say anything directly to her but channeled my thoughts and feelings into this post instead.

If my loved ones in spirit who actually committed suicide are not offended by that term then I will not be offended either.

My Obligation is To the World of Spirit

As a medium I must always remember that my obligation is to the world of Spirit.  Everything I say will be offensive to someone.  I cannot please everyone. That's the nature of my work.  I provide healing and comfort to those left here.  The connections I make are most often a result of the spirits bringing people to me and not the other way around.

I am working for those in spirit. I give them a voice and let their loved ones know that love never dies. I am not working to appease the over-active egos of people still here.

Love,

Chloe

Chloe Miguel
Psychic Medium
February 13, 2018
Anchorage, Alaska

 

*http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/la-et-entertainment-news-updates-2018-producer-jill-messick-committed-suicide-1518143800-htmlstory.html

**https://www.reuters.com/article/us-iran-canada-death/iran-says-canadian-iranian-committed-suicide-in-jail-more-arrests-expected-idUSKBN1FV0Q7

***https://www.nytimes.com/2018/02/01/world/americas/fidel-castros-eldest-son-commits-suicide-cuban-media-says.html

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A Medium’s Perspective on Suicide – Part 2

Waiting to Communicate

A rule of thumb for mediums is that when someone dies it's best to wait several months before attempting to communicate with him or her.

There are a few reasons for this. One school of thought is that the souls who cross over aren't immediately available for communication. They are in a sort of recovery time and life review.  I have not found this to be true and have connected with spirits shortly after crossing over.

Waiting is also advised is because the bereaved person still here needs time to work though his or her grief.  I agree with this reason - mostly. When a person has asked me for contact shortly after a loved one's death I have always asked them to wait a few months.

A Suicide In My Extended Family

If you read part one of this post then you know that my aunt's husband committed suicide recently.  It was five days ago, actually. He came to me within hours asking me to help him communicate with my aunt. I felt emotions were too high and she was in shock.  Additionally, I was shocked and emotional about it as well.

My aunt texted me after a couple days asking me to please let her know if I had heard anything from him.  I still wasn't ready. We waited a couple more days and I finally made the connection for her yesterday.

Even though it was only a few days after his death and not the requisite "several months" we had a good experience.  My aunt was able to verify some things she had suspected about her husband's reasons and what had happened. Our conversation eased her grief and her mind.

My aunt was very grateful for our conversation and that I was able to help her communicate with him. I didn't know him. I met him only once briefly. He was able to provide evidence that only she knew.

I am grateful for my gift. This experience solidified for me that this is how I am here to serve. Mediumship is my gift to help others with their grief.

Love,

Chloe

Chloe Miguel, Psychic Medium
Jan 24, 2018
Anchorage, Alaska

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A Medium’s Perspective On Suicide-Part 1

My guides have been urging me to write about suicide. So, I started this post a week ago but put it aside. I felt like this topic is too heavy and I'm not qualified to write about it.  When someone you love takes his or her own life it creates a special kind of hell for those left behind. While I can help people heal their grief through a connection with a loved one, suicide is particularly ugly.

Then my aunt's husband committed the ultimate act just yesterday taking his own life.

Oh my God a suicide in my extended family! It's not the first. I did not know him well, having met him only once.  Yet I am acutely aware of the trauma he is putting my aunt and his other loved ones through.  I'm also acutely aware that it did not solve his financial problems.  Those were merely transferred to my aunt for her to deal with.

Additionally, it did not solve his emotional problems.  I am aware that he feels he made a mistake.  But it's too late. He can't reverse his actions.  I'm aware that he wants to tell my aunt he's sorry.  But she can't hear him through her grief and emotional trauma. Mostly I am aware of a life un-lived... of opportunities missed... and roads not taken.

We Are All Doing The Best We Can

However, I believe that every single one of us is doing the best we can at any given time.  It's easy to look at this from the outside and make judgments  about what I perceive he should have done. But my mind, my experiences and my perspective are not his. He was not able to climb up out of that hole of despair and saw no other way out. I should be sending him the highest level of compassion and love.

Many of us have lost a loved one to suicide.  The impact it has on those left behind is deep and lasts forever.  Even if we weren't particularly close to the person who took his life we still think about it years later. As a psychic medium, I've seen grief in many forms and suicide is extremely traumatizing for those left behind.

The loss from suicide is particularly stinging because it makes us look at ourselves and see where we think we've failed our loved ones. We wonder what we could have done differently to help our loved ones more.  Many of us suffer a tremendous amount of guilt when someone we love takes his own life.

From a spiritual standpoint, suicide opens a lot of questions. We wonder if our loved one is safe on the other side.  After all, many religions teach that suicide is wrong and that people who commit suicide suffer for it on the other side. That's a real fear for many of us left here.  We hope and pray that our loved ones' souls aren't suffering eternal damnation.

Some religions teach that the souls of people who commit suicide are damned to wander the earth for eternity. Some teachings claim they must stay on earth for the remainder of the time they would have lived. I don't believe any of this is true.

So what does happen when someone commits suicide?

I believe everyone is welcomed into the light when we cross over regardless of how we pass. Everyone. It does not matter if a person dies naturally of old age or takes his own life, he or she is welcomed into the light. Going into the light is like coming home for our souls. I don't believe any soul is ever made to walk the earth for any length of time. Although some choose to but that is for another blog post.

Once our souls are on the other side we have a sort of "life review". In this review we  see the impact on others of our actions in life including the choice of suicide. The soul who committed suicide now experiences the pain his loved ones felt when he died.  He sees the trauma he left behind. When we cross over we can feel how the choices we made hurt others.  Alternatively, we can see how the kind things we did also made an impact on others. So, I believe we judge ourselves.

Because I am a psychic medium I have a very different view of life and death than I used to.  I have the vantage point of KNOWING that our souls go on after our bodies die. This knowledge has brought me a tremendous amount of relief. I wish all of you could feel as certain as I do that there is more to this life than just merely this physical existence.

Please understand I am not making light of suicide or of death in general. Life is precious - not to be wasted.

I send all my love and blessings out to those of you who suffer because you've lost someone to suicide.  May you find peace. I also send all my love and blessings out to those souls who have committed suicide. You did the best you could with what you have.

With Love,

Chloe

Chloe Miguel, Psychic Medium
Jan 20, 2018
Anchorage, Alaska

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